Clothed Canines

Dogs should not wear clothes. Your dog does not need to wear a jacket. Your dog can deal with the cold, or with having wet fur, or whatever other affliction might befall it if, so help me god, it has to forgo the jacket. Don't even get me started on doggie booties.

It might surprise some people to know that there is an anatomical reason for the fur, it is not a mere aesthetically pleasing add on to the dog. At this juncture, there may be people ireading who feel a compunction to differentiate between dog hair and dog fur. Please keep your comments to yourself, I really have no interest. It looks the same, it feels nice and it keeps said dog warm. End of.

You can never tell from appearances who is cretinous enough to dress up their dog. Yesterday I saw a very respectable lady in Starbucks, Times Newspaper sticking out of her bag, Iphone with functional apps, nice pair of cavalli shoes. She had a dog in a Macintosh. It had shoes. The dog was wearing shoes. Why would you want your dog to wear shoes? Maybe if she had had the DailyMail sticking up out of her handbag then I could put it down to inferior brain power and impaired judgement but the Times? I thought Times readers were supposed to be sensible if not slightly conservative beings who own big shaggy dogs and listen to radio 2.
I've also seen dogs in bags. I don't know what is more heinous: dogs in bags or dogs in booties. What is the exact problem with the floor, I ask? Maybe if your dog has no legs then you are doing it a kindness but otherwise, I was under the distinct impression that dogs are indeed quite fond of running around. There was even a woman once, in a shop, trying to match her bag to her dog. I actually think she should be culled. I do not believe that this is an extreme view in any way. 

Your dog does not look cute. It isn't clever and the only statement it makes is 'I am literally a moron'. I think if you want to dress your dog up, you should make it wear a fur coat. Made of another dog. Or a fox stole or something. That way, it is both amusing and ironic, and as a bonus you will piss off animal rights people but they cannot protest directly because it is a dog wearing it. It will confuse them and that is most excellent. In fact I intend to go to a PETA rally and do just that.